I hate roller coasters

I haven't updated in a few weeks, and I apologize for that.

First of all, God gets all the glory.  July 19 did not happen.  Praise God that He moved and our marriage is still intact.  The only explanation - God.  Remember from a few weeks ago - Proverbs 19:21 "Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand."  the only thing that matters is what God has planned.  Nothing outside of that plan will happen no matter what.  I wish that I  was coming here to say that it didn't happen because my husband has come home, but that day has not yet arrived. 

But that doesn't shake me. 

The days are rough so I am struggling to write.  I feel like I just keep repeating myself sometimes.  But that is where God has me.

Waiting.

Praying.

Trusting.

It's not mine to fix.  It's God's. 

Where do I find peace?  It's not in what I can hold on to; it's in the One that's holding me.

I believe in God's promises.

God is always good.  All glory does now and always will go to Him alone.

I just wait, pray & trust, knowing that the roller coaster will not flip me off as it flips, rolls, turns, sinks & rises.  I've always hated roller coasters, but if I'm going to be on one, this is the one to be on.  For He is holding me in, laying the track and bringing me to the end of it.  I wouldn't want to see the picture taken half-way through the ride!  It might be a little scary.  But isn't that where the mercy is.  Where God is doing the work.  In the upside down turn, you can't see what is ahead, but God does.  He will bring me through.  He will be victorious as I hold on and enjoy the ride.

July 19

I am not superstitious.  I do not believe that numbers or dates "mean" anything.  But I do believe that Satan is at work in this world and that "we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against rulers, against authorities, against cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." Ephesians 6:12.  And I do believe that God, through His Holy Spirit, can "speak" to His children.  I had an eye-opening experience this past week.  It was about July 19.  As you read this post, anyone with eyes to see, won't be able to miss God's hand in all of this, leading, guiding, and working.

July 19, 2012 is our court date.  It was suppose to be in June, but it was rescheduled for that day.  I have no idea what is going to happen on that date.  I'm choosing - hourly - to put that in God's hands.  But I am weak, and I was having a time of stressing & crying last weekend. I felt the whisper to get out a box and dig to find the tape of when Jon & I were baptized together.  The very instant that I saw the tape - I knew what God meant for me to see.  The date on the tape:   JULY 19, 2009

Then I was doing some more thinking.  July 19, 2010 was the ill-fated golf tournament that mercifully brought sins to light.  July19, 2011 was also not a good day for marriage reasons.  And I got the message.

God did an amazing work in me on July 19, 2009. And it has Satan worried - and it should.  Looking back from the very beginning of this journey I have said that I always felt that after we were baptized together, that Jon & I started going two different directions.  We had individual & family trials, and we both started handling them differently.  We both had the same choices, we made different ones.  I will never try to claim to know Jon's heart.  Whether or not his baptism was genuine or was a show - only God & Jon know.  I will only answer for myself.

And I'm taking back the date of July 19.  July 19 will be a day of celebration for me.  This year it will mark the 3 year anniversary of the day that I was baptized in the Holy Spirit.  Every day belongs to God, he can do whatever He wants on July 18, July 19, and July 20 and any other day.  By the blood of Jesus, as His child, Satan has no power over July 19 anymore.  I claim the victory that was already won on that date.  I was filled with the Holy Spirit and nothing can take that away.  God has already overcome it!

I will walk into that court room on July 19 defined as a child of the most high God.  And I will walk out of that court room defined as a child of the most high God.  

No matter what happens, I will praise His Holy name.  I will sing His praises every day.  

No piece of paper will change the truth that my life, my marriage, my husband, my family they all belong to God.  No matter how hard satan tries - evil will never overcome truth and he knows it.  He is trying to destroy me with it - and I'm claiming victory in Jesus!

I have gone from dreading the day, to prepared for the day.  I am confident that we will all see God move - I'm not saying I know when or how He is going to move & work, or what that will look like for me or our marriage.  But I am confident that God's power over evil will be evident for all to see.  I am claiming 2 verses God has given me over and over in the last 2 years Exodus 14:14 "The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent". and Psalm 46:10a "Be still and know that I am God".  It's all in His control, and in His timing...and Satan should be worried, because he knows he has already lost the war.  Please pray for me & my family that day & the days leading up to it.  God's will - it will be done.  I don't know His plan, or His outcome, but I know it is for my good.

I believe that 3 years ago, on July 19, 2009.  Jon & I were baptized together for a reason.  I believe that day was the first day of the rest of our lives together.  That God watched that and began a good work in both of us, and "He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ" Philippians 1:6.  Apart from His work, our marriage would be stuck in mundane, yuckiness where we were both miserable.  

And all of this...

This is all His mercy poured out on both of us in an amazing journey.  A journey to one day have the marriage that we never could have had apart from Him who created marriage, created us,and brought us together as one flesh.  Thank you God, for this incredible journey.  And I, for one, am excited to walk the rest.