My Kingdom

It's been a rough couple of weeks for me.  I have a lot on my plate and sometimes all I want to do is throw the stupid plate and maybe it will hit someone who deserves it.  But God has been gracious in using His word and loving friends to help me process so many things that God is bringing to light.  The journey is tiring but I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! Philippians 4:13

One thing I'm learning is that following Jesus does not mean that life is easy or that all of my flesh doesn't go away.  On one especially hard day this week I was mowing the lawn, with tears streaming down my face, realizing that I don't want to die to myself!  I don't want to count it all as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ. I want what I want and I don't want to accept anything less than that.  I was not only unable, I was unwilling, to believe that God has plans for my future that are for my good - if they were different than mine.  My sins of pride and stubborness and thinking of myself as more knowledgeable than God broke my heart.  That's not where I want to be.  It's something that I have to choose to lay down everyday, every hour, every minute.  And when I don't, it snowballs so quickly.  It makes me immune to the sin welling up inside of me.  Ignoring that sin hardens my heart to God's truths.  For me, ignoring that makes my husband my goal, not God as my goal.  I had to get to a place of honest confession and then follow it up with repentance.  By the power of the Holy Spirit I must change if I want to move forward with Christ in this journey.

God gave me a verse about it "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness" Matthew 6:33a.  I can't seek my plans.  I can't seek my husband.  I can't seek my family.  I have to lay it all down as rubbish.  My goal must be to first seek the kingdom of God.  It is so easy to get off track, and apart from Him, I will loose focus.

Does that mean that I give up on my marriage & my husband?  Nope, not at all.  It means that I need to constantly renew my mind and my focus to seek God first!  Otherwise, Jon becomes a goal, not a blessing.  And that's not what I want, and that's not how God works.  And this speaks to so many things...kids, home, work, family, to-do lists, ministries, hobbies, and so on and on and on.  God must be first over everything.  In prayer I will stand for my marriage until death - I'm not going anywhere no matter what circumstances throw at me, but the only way that is even possible is through Christ.  To Him be the glory alone.  By His grace, I will always strive to keep Him alone as my goal.