5. To have fun & enjoy life. I used to take things way to seriously. I could never let up and just have some fun. I was overly anxious and fearful about anything & everything. My husband tried for a long time to get me to relax and have fun. I am finally learning that. To take time to play with the kids. To do fun things like camping and catching fireflies and making food plots. To not care if the towels aren't folded right or the lawn is mowed in a certain way. Or what the brush behind the house is cut like.
4. That I can have strength & confidence as I go through life. That my self-worth doesn't come from man. I am not defined by man. Who I am is defined by who I am in Christ alone. I don't have to fear or be anxious. I don't have to freak out in public places or worry when I am in a crowd. Any day could be "D-Day" and it doesn't matter because it doesn't define me, or our marriage. I can turn all things over to God and He will take care of it - no matter what the plans of man are, His way will be the only one that happens - and it is for my good! I will come out on the good end, living a life that brings Him glory! And I can move forward with a strength & a confidence that I never even knew existed 2 years ago. Before I tried to draw it from my husband. I let him define me instead of turning to His Word to see how God defined me. I can now see that none of this has anything to do with who I am or the mistakes that I made. What matters, is that who we all are apart from Christ are sick & desperate sinners - and what we all need is Jesus.
3. That God needs to be first in my life. No person was ever designed to be first place in my life. Not my husband, not my children, not myself. I never got this point earlier in my life. Putting anyone or anything before God is worshiping an idol. And that is a sin. Loving my husband more than God is a sin. I've learned to seek Him first.
2. To love & pray for enemies. Before this, I don't think I really had enemies. Not ones that the evil one truly sent out to seek & destroy me and the people I love. Now that I face them everyday, I'm learning how to deal with them. I pray for them. I constantly have to be at a place of asking God to work forgiveness in my heart towards them. They have no power over me, because my God has already overcome what they worship. His spirit has grown in me compassion for these poor, lost souls. I feel pity for them, and I truly grieve for them and the pain & suffering that they are on the path towards. They do not have ears to hear and eyes to see, because they are blinded by the bondage of the sins they are held in. But I pray all the time that God will free them before they learn the hard way - because they will get it one day - it's up to them on whether it is the easier way or the harder way. And that is between them & their Creator.
1. That love & forgiveness are unconditional. I do not deserve the unconditional love & the forgiveness that God gave me through His son. In fact, I deserve the opposite. I deserve to be tossed out, rejected, and left behind. I have rebelled against and treated my Father with appalling, disguisting, offensive behaviors. I deserve nothing. But He loves me anyway. Regardless of my behaviors & choices, He loves me anyway. Sometimes that is hard to comprehend. But I praise God that He has given me a real life example of that grace He extends. My husband doesn't deserve my love. He doesn't deserve my forgiveness. But I love him anyway. I forgive him anyway. It's a choice I make to be obedient to God and what He has called for my life, and our marriage. Only because God is faithful, do I have the strength to be faithful to my wedding vows.
I have no idea if my husband reads this blog or not, but I want to end with an open letter to him that bares just a small part of my soul...
God is using you for great things hun. God gave me this verse a year ago and I think of it often, 1 Corinthians 7:16 "For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?". God used you, Jon, to save me and you didn't even know it. He used you to bring me to the end of myself so that I might turn to Him. That I would recognize that what I need is Jesus. Thank you for your role in that. God does the saving, but it is amazing to recognize the things and people that He uses to do His work. You, my love, are forever in my heart. You, my love, will forever be in my constant thoughts & prayers. You, my love, will always be my husband in my eyes, and most importantly, in God's eyes. Because God worked through you, in this mess, I have living proof that nothing is impossible with God. His glory is, and will continue, to shine through our marriage. I don't care what any other human being says or does or thinks or feels. You, Jon, are always welcome to come home at anytime. By God's redeeming grace, our door, and my heart will always be open. I can't save you, and I'm not trying to save you. Only in Christ will you find forgiveness that leads to eternal life. Because of God's great work within me I can say that I do choose to always love you and forgive you. Because of God's grace, you have not "done too much". I pray for the day when our marriage will reflect Christ's love for His church, as He designed it to be. God is good and I praise Him that He loves you so much more than I ever could. You are loved. Happy anniversary. I love you.
Love You Always & Forever,
Kari
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