It's been a long week. I can't decide if I should about forgiveness, or about the pain, about reaping what you sow, about the lies that Satan tells through other people. There are just too many things this week. So I am going to put off all of those other topics. Some day, just not today. Today I am going to choose to see His grace. I am going to rest in the truth that I am a child of God. Satan & his schemes have no power over me. I know His truths, regardless of the lies that others believe to make themselves feel better. Satan get behind me because your tools against me will not succeed. In the end, all will know Your truths. My God loves me, redeems me, washes me and restores me in His grace and mercy. My God is making my life something beautiful because His mercy has been, and is, reaching to save me. The rain IS pouring down, but I choose to see Your face. And I have just begun changing by Your grace. Lord, You are beautiful.
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
Never Alone?
One very hard thing about being on this journey is the aspect of being alone. Some days, that loneliness feels like a weight that will cause me to collapse. Other days, it is not in the forefront of my mind. But the feeling of being alone is always there. Today is one of those very lonely days. Today is Hannah's birthday and so I feel the weight of a huge missing piece of our family. Celebrations with the leader of the family gone are very hard. Today is a day where I think about standing in the driveway together, wanting to do nothing more than wrap my arms around him and lean in against his chest to be held by loving arms. If you have that someone in your life, for me, will you do that today? Take that moment and thank God for it.
While I feel so alone sometimes, I know I'm not. In many ways the truth is that I am physically alone. But I have an amazing support system of so many family & friends that are always there for me. They are one phone call, one hug, one small step from me. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. That's one thing this journey has allowed me to do. My walls have come crashing down and I finally let people in. I am more open and vulnerable. I have friends that I can pour my heart out to. Where as before, I never allowed myself to go there. It wasn't safe. I am thankful for his mercy in softening my heart towards accepting the love & friendship of other people. But even more important than learning that there are friends at every turn, is learning that I am never alone - because God is always with me.
That is a truth that on days like today, I need to claim that truth and shout it with all my might. I need to pray for the Spirit to teach my heart that truth. So I am just going to list some scriptures that I need to be repeating & praying today!
Because God is with me, I am never actually alone. In this season of life, I may not have my husband's arms to wrap around me. But God's mercy is leading me through learning that that is not what defines alone. My husband's arms are not all I need. Having his arms but without God in it failed. When my husband's arms are back, I will already be content in my Father's arms.
So when you hug your loved one today, I challenge you to ask yourself, is God part of this embrace? Is He the third strand here? Ecclesiastes 4:12 "And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken." If God's not your third cord - take action and do something about it today! Repent and ask God to be the center of it. And don't do it for me, or for your spouse, or anyone else. Do it for God's glory.
~ Kari
While I feel so alone sometimes, I know I'm not. In many ways the truth is that I am physically alone. But I have an amazing support system of so many family & friends that are always there for me. They are one phone call, one hug, one small step from me. I am so blessed to have such amazing people in my life. That's one thing this journey has allowed me to do. My walls have come crashing down and I finally let people in. I am more open and vulnerable. I have friends that I can pour my heart out to. Where as before, I never allowed myself to go there. It wasn't safe. I am thankful for his mercy in softening my heart towards accepting the love & friendship of other people. But even more important than learning that there are friends at every turn, is learning that I am never alone - because God is always with me.
That is a truth that on days like today, I need to claim that truth and shout it with all my might. I need to pray for the Spirit to teach my heart that truth. So I am just going to list some scriptures that I need to be repeating & praying today!
Romans 8:39 "For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord."
Hebrews 13:5-6 "Keep your life free from love of money, & be content with what you have, for he has said, I will never leave you nor forsake you. So we can confidently say, The Lord is my helper, I will not fear; what can man do to me?"
Isaiah 54:5-6 "For your maker is your husband, for the Lord of hosts is his name; and the Holy One of Israel is your redeemer; the God of the whole earth he is called. For the Lord has called you like a wife deserted and grieved in spirit like a wife of youth when she is cast off, says your God"
Galatians 2:20 "I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me"
Ephesians 2:4-5 "But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ - by grace you have been saved"
Because God is with me, I am never actually alone. In this season of life, I may not have my husband's arms to wrap around me. But God's mercy is leading me through learning that that is not what defines alone. My husband's arms are not all I need. Having his arms but without God in it failed. When my husband's arms are back, I will already be content in my Father's arms.
So when you hug your loved one today, I challenge you to ask yourself, is God part of this embrace? Is He the third strand here? Ecclesiastes 4:12 "And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him - a threefold cord is not quickly broken." If God's not your third cord - take action and do something about it today! Repent and ask God to be the center of it. And don't do it for me, or for your spouse, or anyone else. Do it for God's glory.
~ Kari
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
The Right Choice
As a completely comical, unrelated start to this post... my title makes me think of The New Kids on the Block and Oh Oh Oh Oh Oh The right stuff. Oh Oh oh Oh oh The right stuff. That had absolutely nothing to do with anything. Sorry. I was even going to delete that, but then I thought, hey why not, some needed a laugh..right? Anyway...
Since I am in a situation that I did not choose, I am often faced with having to make a decision about something that I hate. When option 1 sounds horrible, but so does option 2. I don't want to do either one. But the reality is that the fallout of the consequences of what others have chosen means I have to make a choice. What I really need to do is figure out how to best love my husband and ultimately honor God with my actions in either option. I am facing a tough call right now. I am currently pleading with God to give me direction about a specific upcoming event. And as of right now, I do not have my answer.
So I'm digging deeper into the emotions at play. Why is it not easy to make a choice here? I know that answer. Now, I am only speaking for how I react and respond. I am not making across the board assumptions about anybody else, it's just how God has shaped my life.
I am afraid that I am going to make the wrong choice and then what happens? That this is a test from God...now what am I going to do. Am I going to make the "right" choice and it will result in my answered prayers. Or am I going to make the "wrong" choice and as a result, I'll never achieve the level God is waiting for me to get to before he can move the mountains for me. The reality is that neither choice can be right, there is no clear moral issue - in regards to what I have to choose - that makes it a black & white easy answer. But my fears have paralyzed me in choosing either one. So at the root of the problem is my view of who God is and how He actually responds & cares for His children.
God - in His mercy - is actively working in me to change my wrong, sinful perspective of WHO HE IS! I am giving myself way too much power & credit & control. As if I have the power to control what God might do! Like I might thwart His plan by making the "wrong" choice in this. My own sinfulness in BIG ME & small God instead of BIG GOD & small me opens my eyes to my own wretchedness & need for my Savior! God's plan is not dependent on me. I am called to walk in His ways and be obedient to Him, but He doesn't need me in order to accomplish what He already planned from before the beginning of time. As God answered Job in Job 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding." Ouch. I am nothing, God is everything. God is not out to punish me. In fact, Romans 8:1 "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Oh how I need to pray for the Spirit to infect that truth into every fiber of my being so that I would not just know it my head, but that I would believe it in my heart and live it in my life!
I am so grateful that God is mercifully flushing out of my life the areas where I need to repent and change. Because He loves me, He is molding me in His image. And then means I need to have a right view of who He is. My God is so BIG. So strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God can not do. (and yes, I do the actions every time I sing it, who doesn't?!) I will end with a verse that a treasured friend gave me today that God laid on her heart for me before she knew today's choice to be made. It truly hits the mark. John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
In Chist's Love,
Kari
Since I am in a situation that I did not choose, I am often faced with having to make a decision about something that I hate. When option 1 sounds horrible, but so does option 2. I don't want to do either one. But the reality is that the fallout of the consequences of what others have chosen means I have to make a choice. What I really need to do is figure out how to best love my husband and ultimately honor God with my actions in either option. I am facing a tough call right now. I am currently pleading with God to give me direction about a specific upcoming event. And as of right now, I do not have my answer.
So I'm digging deeper into the emotions at play. Why is it not easy to make a choice here? I know that answer. Now, I am only speaking for how I react and respond. I am not making across the board assumptions about anybody else, it's just how God has shaped my life.
I am afraid that I am going to make the wrong choice and then what happens? That this is a test from God...now what am I going to do. Am I going to make the "right" choice and it will result in my answered prayers. Or am I going to make the "wrong" choice and as a result, I'll never achieve the level God is waiting for me to get to before he can move the mountains for me. The reality is that neither choice can be right, there is no clear moral issue - in regards to what I have to choose - that makes it a black & white easy answer. But my fears have paralyzed me in choosing either one. So at the root of the problem is my view of who God is and how He actually responds & cares for His children.
God - in His mercy - is actively working in me to change my wrong, sinful perspective of WHO HE IS! I am giving myself way too much power & credit & control. As if I have the power to control what God might do! Like I might thwart His plan by making the "wrong" choice in this. My own sinfulness in BIG ME & small God instead of BIG GOD & small me opens my eyes to my own wretchedness & need for my Savior! God's plan is not dependent on me. I am called to walk in His ways and be obedient to Him, but He doesn't need me in order to accomplish what He already planned from before the beginning of time. As God answered Job in Job 38:4 "Where were you when I laid the foundation of the earth? Tell me, if you have understanding." Ouch. I am nothing, God is everything. God is not out to punish me. In fact, Romans 8:1 "There is therefore no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Oh how I need to pray for the Spirit to infect that truth into every fiber of my being so that I would not just know it my head, but that I would believe it in my heart and live it in my life!
I am so grateful that God is mercifully flushing out of my life the areas where I need to repent and change. Because He loves me, He is molding me in His image. And then means I need to have a right view of who He is. My God is so BIG. So strong and so mighty. There's nothing my God can not do. (and yes, I do the actions every time I sing it, who doesn't?!) I will end with a verse that a treasured friend gave me today that God laid on her heart for me before she knew today's choice to be made. It truly hits the mark. John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you. Let not your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid."
In Chist's Love,
Kari
Monday, March 19, 2012
Sharing My Journey
I've started this new blog so that it can be specific to my journey with God. God has been calling me to share with others for awhile now. I kept avoiding it. I already share on my other blog, isn't that enough? Who would want to read about my struggles?... better yet, Why would I want to share my struggles in a public forum? Can't I just keep sharing after I get through a tough spot like I have been? What if people think I'm even more crazy than they already do? What if it's used against me?
God let me go around and around for awhile. But he didn't give up on whispering around me to take the leap of faith and be obedient to what He wants from me. So here is my new blog, specific to my journey.
My plan is to write on here more frequently than I have been. This will allow for the posts to be more focused. Sometimes I just have so much to say and I start jumping around and I miss points I wanted to make. And writing is good for me. I enjoy it and it helps me process. It is easier to call out lies I'm believing when I voice them. I also, Lord leading, intend to share more thoughts on the actual processing. That means sharing more specific struggles, thoughts & feelings. That means I'm opening myself to more criticism and it means I have to be more vulnerable. But I believe God wants me to share those weak, struggling days that I have. I know that the Lord is leading me to share those things because that is where other people can be helped. And if the people who read this blog are annoyed with it, then I guess they shouldn't read it anymore. But I have to push back with - are you annoyed because on some level, you feel a little conviction kicking in that is in a place you don't want to let yourself go? Are you a little intrigued with what really makes this woman tick? Are you wondering if it's genuine or fake? What really gets her through? Don't stop reading, it may be God knocking at your door. Just throwing that out there.
God has used the last 2 years to be teaching me huge life lessons. I would be selfish not to spread it to others. I hope to be able to post soon about details on the start of a new support group that God will be using me to facilitate. It is in the works and I ask you to pray about it. That God's hand would be in the development, that I would hear his direction, and for the women that need it. It's God's group, God's work, and God's glory. I am but a humble servant answering His call on my life.
So thanks for following my journey. Through the good parts, bad parts and the ugly parts. I pray that you will be blessed.
~ Kari
God let me go around and around for awhile. But he didn't give up on whispering around me to take the leap of faith and be obedient to what He wants from me. So here is my new blog, specific to my journey.
My plan is to write on here more frequently than I have been. This will allow for the posts to be more focused. Sometimes I just have so much to say and I start jumping around and I miss points I wanted to make. And writing is good for me. I enjoy it and it helps me process. It is easier to call out lies I'm believing when I voice them. I also, Lord leading, intend to share more thoughts on the actual processing. That means sharing more specific struggles, thoughts & feelings. That means I'm opening myself to more criticism and it means I have to be more vulnerable. But I believe God wants me to share those weak, struggling days that I have. I know that the Lord is leading me to share those things because that is where other people can be helped. And if the people who read this blog are annoyed with it, then I guess they shouldn't read it anymore. But I have to push back with - are you annoyed because on some level, you feel a little conviction kicking in that is in a place you don't want to let yourself go? Are you a little intrigued with what really makes this woman tick? Are you wondering if it's genuine or fake? What really gets her through? Don't stop reading, it may be God knocking at your door. Just throwing that out there.
God has used the last 2 years to be teaching me huge life lessons. I would be selfish not to spread it to others. I hope to be able to post soon about details on the start of a new support group that God will be using me to facilitate. It is in the works and I ask you to pray about it. That God's hand would be in the development, that I would hear his direction, and for the women that need it. It's God's group, God's work, and God's glory. I am but a humble servant answering His call on my life.
So thanks for following my journey. Through the good parts, bad parts and the ugly parts. I pray that you will be blessed.
~ Kari
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